Found it...

    So after my experience with finding out my body fat percentage, things all went down hill. It took two years but I gained it all back and an additional 25lbs. It seemed like everything that could go wrong did. Lindsay graduated, so I didn't have that motivation (or a spotter) to get me to the weight room. The aerobic type classes were scheduled at times I had classes and was not able to attend. At the time I was managing a 40 unit apartment complex and It kept me constantly busy. I tried to work out as often as I could...but that didn't turn out to be very often. In addition I was not eating properly. It was a very stressful experience with the apartments and I turned to food. It seemed like I was eating when I was board, when I was stressed, when I was upset...I was just always eating and I didn't know why! Not to mention that I was so busy it was easier and faster to eat unhealthy. Then my senior year I no longer had to worry about the apartments but I had other stresses that I was dealing with. With graduating I had to worry about what I was going to do...Was I going to stay in Virginia or move back to Pennsylvania? I also was an art major so I was extremely busy and stressed with my Senior Art Show. The summer before my senior year a friend of mine had found a puppy in the woods. As soon as I saw him I was done for...I knew he was coming home with me. It was a lot of work to be as busy as I was with being a senior and trying to train a  puppy at the same time. I also felt guilty for spending so much time at work , school, and working on my art show. So any free time I had I spent with Charlie. I would take him for a walk everyday so I was getting some exercise but nothing compared to what I was used to.

   In addition to not working out, not eating properly, and stress, was the emotional aspect. The feeling like I had failed because I had gained the weight back. I tried to pin point the issues that lead to my weight loss and then the issues that lead to my weight gain. It was a lot of work trying to figure things out. I spent a year meeting with the schools student support director, and I still don't have all the answers. What I do know is that it is both a combination of physical and emotional factors.  I finally feel like I have the emotional part figured out. I know that I am the same person that I have always been regardless of the weight I am at. I also realized that people who are my friends and family treat me the same way weather I am over weight or weather I am thin. I think back on the ten year relationship that I had with my ex boyfriend and I always used to think it was my weight that was the issue, even though he would never admit to it, that's what I believed! I realized by seeing him and the relationship he is in now that weight is not the issue. It has helped me realize that it just wasn't meant to be. It had nothing to do with my appearance.

   These are some of the realizations that have kept me at the weight I am at. If my friends like me the way I am, why should I change? But the answer has nothing to do with anyone but myself. I think back to how I felt when I was down to 150lbs!!! I felt great! I felt good about my appearance as well as physically, and this is how I want to feel again.